Well, I'm ready to leave...

The last day of classes is TOMORROW!!!! How is that possible? We just barely got here! Somehow it doesn't feel like a full two semesters have gone by. Every week seemed so long. Every day seemed so long. We live for getting past that big test or that big paper. Funny how those little periods of "I just need to get through this week" can accumulate to "whoa, where did freshman year go?"

This is goodbye to East Campus, to the Marketplace (though I can't say I'm not sick of it right now), goodbye to Randolph and living with a bunch of freshmen all around you. Do you ever get the feeling that we're suppose to be more...important...after freshmen year? We're suppose to be more illustrious or decorated or something like that. We won't be just puny little Duke freshmen anymore...we'll actually have to try to do something important.

Ugh. Maybe it's called responsibility. Not that we're not responsible now, well most of us at least, it's just this feeling of having to think about the future. Freshman year was so carefree. Everyone told us, "Don't worry about it yet, you're just a freshman. You have plenty of time." PLENTY OF TIME? FRESHMAN YEAR JUST FREAKING ENDED! THAT'S ONE-FOURTH OF OUR TIME HERE AT DUKE OUT THE WINDOW!!

And what have I accomplished? NOTHING. That's right. But that's absolutely okay, because I was just a freshman. Well, I don't have that excuse anymore. Now we actually don't have "plenty of time." Freshman year was a buffer. A time to enjoy ourselves after working hard to get into college. It was life's way of saying, "Take a breather, you've worked hard to get where you are. Enjoy it for a while." And now? Life's screaming, "Hey you lazy bum! What are you planning to do with your life? You've had your fun, now's the time for ACTION!" Hmm....

No more lounging around and hanging out with friends. That doesn't help anybody else in the world. No more coasting. That doesn't help cure cancer! That doesn't help starving children in South America! That doesn't do any good for the world! So stop being selfish! Stop hanging out with friends and making memories all for yourself! Sacrifice something to help those less fortunate than you!

Balance. Life is all about balance. Maybe gymnasts with excellent balance have it the best. Balance work and friends. Balance a career and family. Balance having fun and studying. Balance, balance, balance. Yes.

Are you balanced at all? Cause I feel all wobbly and off my seesaw.

Computer Literacy Should be Mandatory

Jeebees heebees what's with people who still confuse Mhz and Ghz? Is it really so difficult to acquaint oneself with the inner workings of a machine one uses everyday? Aren't they *curious*? I certainly don't pretend to know the personal computer inside and out but SERIOUSLY come on people it's the 21st century. Learn about the computer already. (<-- rant directed towards my cousin and his whole family, excluding my little 8 year old cousin who is probably smarter than the rest of her family put together)

I don't know how my dad worked as tech support once. Maybe I just plainly don't have the patience. Oh no! Bad thought...what about my kids? Isn't one suppose to have the slightest bit of patience with them? D'you think I have that slightest bit? Well in that case, I hope to God my husband's got heaps and heaps of patience.

On a brighter note, Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition is pretty much my favorite thing to listen to right now. The excitement! The dazzling key changes! The crazy melodies! Major happiness ensues. I wish I had better headphones to fully enjoy the music though.

Basically wasted a lot of time today. Got my math homework done. Had the foresight to bring along a raincoat for the...uhh...rain. Had a nice din din with the bf and am now researching some Sartre quotes to make my professor think that I actually read some books this semester.

Hey dood, what are you doing with your life? I don't know what I'm doing with mine. Don't you think we should figure something out soon? I'll leave you with a quote:

I am. I am. I exist, I think, therefore I am; I am because I think that I don't want to be, I think that I … because … ugh! I flee. I exist, that's all. And that trouble is so vague, so metaphysical that I am ashamed of it.
~Jean-Paul Sartre

Shout out to Aidan!

Sorry Aidan! Didn't know you were bothering to read as well!

*big hug*

New Look

Yay, I like.

I just found out that my 50 page philosophy paper, of which I only have about 7 pages written, is due next Friday.

Not a happy thought.

House is pretty much my favorite (fictional) person in the world.

The end of freshman year hasn't hit me yet. Probably because it still feels like midterms or sometime I get a lot of work. More work than usual actually. So I'm basically going to shrink in a hole this weekend and not see a glimmer of sunlight (which will probably be beautiful) until I get my paper written. I've also been double saving my paper on my flash drive like a maniac.

Been getting into Podcasts lately. There are some pretty nice high-quality ones out there, very enjoyable to listen to. We seem to have so many "events" crammed into our day, what happens when we run out of hours? We can't change the speed of the earth's rotation so we can't change the day. But we increase the number of tasks we must do everyday. Dilemma. Or not.

Existentialism is pretty much a kick-ass way of living life. But way too intense. I can't possibly shoulder that much responsibility.

Long time no speak

So I've recently come into a bit of an epiphany about life, so I thought I'd share with the class.

Browsing around ACES today and looking at my bookbag, I decided to remove Physics 53 from my Primary and thought what other classes I would take in its stead. My first thought was "Oh good now I have room to take another math class". HUH?!? *shakes head* whoa there, as much as I like math, that thought really scared me. Two math classes at once is quite a bit of work. And pile on top of that an Econ (though granted, it should theoretically be a review for me, *theoretically* is the key word) and a probably reading/writing-intensive history.

Flash forward a few hours and I'm browsing the Internet looking at random artist's webpages where they display their pieces in a very nicely done flash site. One Anya Belkina's work really impressed upon me, and when I clicked over to her contact info, my eyes fells upon "belkina@duke.edu". She's here! She's friggin is an art professor HERE! (Can I just say that I'm completely in love with Duke all over again?) So I bung her an email immediately relating the extraordinary coincidence, went back to ACES and found out she was teaching Intro to Graphic Design next semester. Should I?

I've taken art lessons for a long long time and really enjoyed the escape all throughout several rigorous high school years. It was a creative outlet. And I miss it. I haven't painted/drawn something in ages. Anyway, Intro to Graphic Design is definitely a possibility right now.

And then I got to thinking about how much I like the creative arts. Visual, music, film (and dance, which is something I regret not getting into earlier in life, but hopefully will try during my years in college). Sheesh I feel bipolar right now. I rational and logical and numbers-y, but at the same time I'm so into artsy stuff. I guess the perfect dichotomy would be for me to have a practical safe and secure job while doing art/music stuff on the side as a hobby. I really should look into doing graphic design commercially. Just need to build up a portfolio....

Call this a...fork in the road. Of course, there's no question of changing my major or deviating from my path in mathematics, I'm too rational and I like math too much for that. But I think I'd like to be more open to other possibilities of intellectual stimulation.

Take astronomy for instance. I love love loved it as a kid. I used to get these pamphlets in the mail when I was in middle school. Every week, one or two placard-dealios would come in the mail. Each had a topic like "Blackholes" or "Time Travel" or "Parallel Universes". They were these two page fold-out things that gave the basic facts and had really nice photos of everything. It also came with a big binder to collect them all in. I wonder if I still have it at home. But Duke doesn't really offer much in the way of astronomy (nor do most colleges I guess, unless I went to...I dunno Montana Institute for Astronomy or some fictional place like that). Still, it's something I find interesting and would like to explore. Many applications from Physics and Math of course, though the calculations side of astronomy probably wouldn't appeal to me as much.

So anyway, really into Jason Mraz right now. Very mellow, great voice. Can do wonders with his mouth. *swoon*. Ridiculously excited to see him perform now. He's recorded many concert albums and he sounds great live. I wonder why more people don't appreciate him. I think he's a true musical talent.

I need to find a job.

I have a test tomorrow. Need to study more.

Hi Alex, you're probably the only other person who reads this...which is probably a good thing.

So I'll go polish off that bottle of Mountain Dew still sitting on my desk and set my alarm for 7:30 am.

Goodnight.